For years, I felt that egos ruled the Pilates community, speaking in diametric opposition to what the work was meant to inspire: transformation and elevation of the human spirit. In the late 90’s, after creating the first ever Pilates videos under “The Method” series, largely responsible for catalyzing the explosive wave of Pilates and mind-body fitness to the tune of over 15 million units and counting, rather than being congratulated and commended, I was rejected by my own “home” community at Drago’s, where Romana’s training program was held. Add to this, that like so many peers at the time, I had been sufficiently tormented by the trademark lawsuit, and felt that the last thing I needed was yet another group or community that could disappoint, or add more strife and stress to my life, ironically surrounding the very thing that I felt so passionate about and which had changed my life and through me, the lives of so many others.

So Why Did I Join the PMA?
After feeling burned and deeply hurt by the “communities” I had grown up in, I was understandably reticent. For years I watched and studied the PMA from afar, curious, but simultaneously resolved in my disagreement with certain policies, and disapproving of what I considered to be a standardized test that in no way could appropriately assess a Pilates instructor’s true acumen and ability. After speaking with like-minded people over the past several years, and hearing positive commentaries about the conferences and personally watching the PMA evolve, most especially in the domain of inclusion, making people from every lineage feel welcome, I decided that the time was right. Not only did I want to introduce myself to this new community, I felt especially motivated to participate in revising and improving the testing system, but just as importantly, I wanted to be that Classically trained teacher with a rich heritage, and a uniquely broad world view who could bring the energy of love to a group of people that sorely needed it. I joined the PMA because I saw it as a road to harmony, a path I feel will lead to the kind of open hearted spirit that Pilates is meant to communicate to the world. I believe that our generation today has an obligation to rise above the past and together create a peaceful, productive, transformative present and bright future, and I see the PMA as one of the more formidable conduits through which we can all accomplish this mission.

The Gift of Exile

After spending years studying diligently with Romana, working tirelessly and reverently in her midst, and given the fact that I had invested myself in a project that would help to disseminate the system she had dedicated her life to and generously shared with me, I hoped she would be pleased to see me go out into the world and share that miraculous system with others. I thought I had said goodbye to the merciless climate of professional ballet, having survived its oft punishing negativity throughout my young career. I never thought I would experience again the shocking sting of rejection by the very people who helped to raise me and bring me to this place of shining technical and performing brilliance; once more, I found myself on the receiving end of the very confusing and begrudging treatment young dancers like myself often suffered under the tutelage of their very own ballet masters and mistresses when they landed a choice role, or rose to the occasion of perhaps exceeding the excellence that their own teachers had achieved. I never could have imagined that one day I would be the recipient of such treatment at the Pilates studio, ignored by the very teachers who had helped me to rehabilitate and rise to a new level of unimaginable personal strength and prowess, in order to get back on stage and do what I loved.

Drago’s was like my special home away from home. It was a refuge from the outside world, a passionate playground where I could escape from the pressures of my dance career and the rest of my life. It was a place where I felt included, where I was “invited to the party,” ushered in to enjoy the treasures of the body, mind and spirit that were made available to me. And of course, “the party” also meant the 1 p.m. champagne toast that happened daily, for every plausible excuse, from someone successfully executing a crazy exercise like the “Star,” to a birthday, or simply because Romana was in the mood. It was just one more reason why life sparkled a little brighter, enhancing what was already an almost unmatchable endorphin high from the work alone, taught by this titan, this ineffably effervescent presence.

After returning to New York City in 1997 from the publicity tour to promote “The Method,” I came “home” to be told in no uncertain terms that I no longer had a home and that I was no longer welcome. Where would I take this big love I had, for the work, for the woman, and the people who had lit the fire? Where would I go? How I would be able to continue to immerse myself in something that had become such a central part of my life, something I passionately loved and that had made me feel alive in ways that nothing else, except for dance ever had. It was this very rejection, while devastating at the time, that ultimately became my greatest gift, inspiring me to rally, to focus on my dance career and expand my own growing studio. I began to explore and study with other teachers in New York City and beyond, and became aware that the world of Pilates was much bigger than anything I had been exposed to, or imagined. My desire to explore other paths was forever ignited. While for me, Romana had no equal, and the Classical work was what I found myself returning to again and again, through my exploration I came to see that there were many talented instructors out in the world, and for the next several years I took it upon myself to travel far and wide and experience as many of them as I could. Thus began a love affair with something that has always been a part of my nature—embracing diversity, and what I have come to discover and appreciate about the PMA.

California Homecoming
The best way I can describe my “reintroduction,” my return to the Pilates community, is a homecoming that began in July of 2012. Upon moving to the West Coast, I connected with Moses Urbano, one of Romana’s star students, one of her most dearly loved and trusted protégées. It had been a long time since I’d felt the comfort and safety of being welcomed, accepted and invited to freely enjoy and celebrate the work with a peer. With Moses, I fell in love again with the Classical work, and it felt as if I was experiencing it for the first time. I was humbled and set aflame once again.

Then, in January, 2013, I had the pleasure of meeting fellow Romana graduates, Kathi Ross-Nash, and Monica Wilson, thanks to Kristi Cooper at Pilates Anytime, who invited me to yet another “party,” (more like a severe ass-kicking), that turned out to be a joy-filled, tearful and profoundly spiritual reunion. While filming, sheer magic happened, and the three of us were transported back in time to Drago’s where together we rose to new heights, and it was there, after having been the “prodigal daughter” for many years, I understood that my family of Romana trained teachers reached across time and was much bigger than I could have imagined.

Feeling Welcomed by The PMA Community
At the 13th Annual PMA Conference in Fort Lauderdale in November, everything came full circle for me. That early experience of painful exile from my home community had finally been healed. Everything from the warm welcome I received from friends and colleagues I hadn’t seen in many years, to the poignant tribute the Classical teachers and I made to Romana, past hurts were subsumed by joy and remembrance. I was able to celebrate her, and my heart was filled with nothing but pure admiration and gratitude. This, coupled with my amazing experience working with Mark Pedri on his exceptional film and witnessing its premier to the community, along with the very moving and meaningful interactions I had with each and every student who attended my workshops at the conference, was for me the final step in an epic homecoming.

It wasn’t until I moved out to the West Coast almost two years ago that I understood how few people had ever really been exposed to Classical work, and it was then that I realized I had a responsibility to share anew what Romana had passed onto me. I felt compelled to introduce myself to the current community, and the best way I saw to do that with its burgeoning reach, open-minded and welcoming philosophy, was through the PMA.

Because I am a Classically trained instructor who embraces an ethic of open-hearted generosity in her teaching, I feel that I can offer a unique window for others from all schools and philosophies to fly through in order to expand their educational and historical horizons. Simultaneously, I hope to serve as someone who encourages other Classical teachers to join this new “party,” so that they too may feel the joy of being included, welcomed to share the innumerable gifts they received. I want them to rise to a new occasion, do their part in bridging the gap between Classical and contemporary, and dispel preconceived negative notions about the community, as well as unfounded fears or misconceptions around the work and the ethos.

A quote by Jeff Brown I came upon recently really sums it up for me: “We are powerful beyond measure, and so deeply vulnerable at the same time. This may seem like a dichotomy, but it isn’t. We have misunderstood real power. It has been something assertive, non-surrendering, pushing on through. This is not real power. This is simply willfulness. Real power is something else - receptivity, openness, the courage to keep your heart open on the darkest of days, the strength to feel it all even when the odds are stacked against you. Real power is showing up with your heart on your sleeve and absolutely refusing to waste one moment of your life hidden behind edginess and armor.”

The Responsibility We Share
“Real learning comes about when the competitive spirit has ceased.”
~Jiddu Krishnamurti

I recently told a friend and colleague that we, as today’s generation, are charged with a sacred responsibility to transcend the dysfunction of prior generations, to do what our predecessors could not, and that is, to put their self-motivated interests and ego-driven actions aside for the greater good. We must strive to create authentic unity in the community, so that all traditions are honored, recognized, respected and appreciated. Given the gifts we have received, we have an obligation to act with integrity, to honor them and to use them not only to heal the unfortunate legacy of pain, jealousy, and rejection that has long been rife in the Pilates community, but as a method of truly uniting mind, body and spirit for the betterment of human kind. I believe this high act, with right speech and good intentions can be today’s generational legacy. The PMA now has a growing presence. It’s up to us to make sure that we continue to bring this higher intention and action to everything we do.

Why did Pilates create his Method? I believe that he wanted us to want more for ourselves and for one another. He wanted us to make the most of the beautiful, miraculous bodies and minds we were blessed with, so as to elevate our spirits, to feel JOY. And where does joy come from? Think about it. It comes from a feeling of freedom and trust. It means trusting your inner truth and acting on it, believing that you can spread your wings to be all that you can be, unfettered and acknowledged, first and foremost by yourself, and then by fellow souls who see your inner expression of truth and who want to love you for it. It is the love and generosity that arises from this shared experience, that gives birth to more. This is the cycle of conscious abundance and evolved manifestation, and this is what is needed in our community today, and beyond.

I do not believe that this generosity of kindness, empathy and love as I describe it, was inherent in Joseph Pilates’ interpersonal teaching style, nor necessarily in his own spirit. I believe he was a visionary, a genius and an egotist who left his prodigious gift to the world and silently whispered, “I took it as far as I could, given my talent and tools (along with my own pain, dysfunction and limitations as a human with my particular “story,”) and now it’s up to you to take it higher.” This is why I believe that we, as a community are drawn so magnetically to the spiritual component of this work, even if at times, we have trouble living its higher purpose. We are, after all, human, and so must forgive ourselves for our foibles, and then, heeding the call to a higher ground, unite, and answer that moral obligation to do more. We must pick up where Mr. Pilates left off.

Much progress has been made in the realm of healing and coming together as a community, and I was overjoyed to witness it all firsthand at last year’s PMA annual meeting. That notwithstanding, more healing needs to happen, and we all need to manifest a higher, more refined level of consciousness and be better people. Period.

Think about it for a moment: What does every human being want? She wants to be seen, heard, acknowledged, respected and included. She wants to be “invited to the party!” Every person in this movement, if he or she has been dedicated and invested in the work and in helping people rise to new heights of personal development, needs appropriate acknowledgement and respect. Everyone, including pioneers and trailblazers who made this movement what it is today, all need accurate inclusion as important historical catalysts, so as to enlighten the uneducated masses, helping to literally preserve the integrity of Joseph Pilates’ legacy, something we all share in common and care a great deal about. This extraordinary mind-body system is a life-changing art that has been passed down from master to apprentice for a reason. In its purest form it transforms everyone who is connected to it, and everyone who comes in contact with it. It is my hope that this heartfelt missive will inspire greater integrity and compassion, greater integration, love and respect for one another, especially now that most of the elders, the “mothers and fathers” of this movement are gone.

What Will Our Legacy Be?
We have a responsibility to come together and without judgment, to enjoy ourselves, playing and growing with the work, so that we may all experience a kind of freedom and bliss that has not always been the case for many of us. We need to raise the bar of collective consciousness, so that we may preserve our history for future generations. If we do that, if we succeed, we will grow and evolve well beyond our own community and boldly shine our hearts open into the world we serve, creating lasting change that will ripple out in concentric circles transforming the lives of everyone we touch.

Just when you thought you were free …

Repeating behavior from our past that is deeply, and darkly shrouded, conveniently tucked away in the quiet folds of our amygdala is a stealthy, sneaky thing. Like a sleeping dragon, exhaling soft curls of smoke while ensconced in a profoundly unconscious “dreaming” state, he is content to wile away the hours, snoring, waiting.

The moment our past contacts a “representative” perfectly delivered, as if the devil himself could not have done any better– from that painful history, embodied in a love choice, or a relationship of some intimate kind, all bets are off.

The dragon awakes and unfurls its titanic wings, unleashing a fury that could level cities … that is, unless you are willing to walk into the belly of his fiery breath, the blazing conflagration that is your own wound and your own attachment, with sword of mercy drawn. You must be prepared to slay him and lay him down to rest once and for all on a bed of roses and tears. Tears because you must, once and for all banish the original dream of your childhood what never was, accepting the reality of what you lived through and survived all those years ago–if you want even a fighting chance to make the conscious and courageous choices that will allow you to create the life you want.

It is crucial to note, that even if you accept that your past was not the “dream” you wished it had been in your head, there is more work to do. Remnants– cinders from that time are inevitably smoldering somewhere deep inside that dragon’s lair– what you accepted as truths about yourself all those years ago, that you somehow continue to believe, inform the deleteriously repetitious choices you make in your life today, based on that original script from long ago.

Only after you mourn the loss of what you wish might have been in your original childhood garden, and only until you can challenge the myths that still play in your own psyche that one of your first role models unconsciously planted in your brain, like a song on relentless repeat, “I am guilty,” “I am unlovable,” “I could’t possibly deserve better,” “I can take it,” “I will make this okay,” “this has got to change,” can you be free and manifest a new reality, and one that will make you truly happy, bespeaking your own inner growth and freedom.

So how do you do it? How do you acknowledge that because of  that something on “replay,” something that’s knocking around inside you, you are at the mercy of the evil puppeteer, white faced with frightening red lips and black brows, furrowed and mocking you, pulling the strings, still making your choices for you, and believe me, they are not good ones. How do you meet yourself  when you suddenly realize that your past is still encroaching on your present and wreaking havoc?

The answer is: with compassion and forgiveness and love– the way a good mother would love her child through a high fever, all through the night with cold compresses and tender words. With sweet eyes, patience and perfect kindness–with the opposite of what that skipping record in your head would have you do.

And one day, if you do the really hard work, you may just come to discover that what once was this heaving monolith of ferocity and flame, this epic fire-breathing menace that has had you cowering in a place inside your very own being, living in a way that is less than, in a way that has made you dim your light, is really no bigger than the tip of your index finger.

And then you realize that even in the throes of some of the worst pain you may have ever felt in your life yet, you are performing that delicate and most vital surgery on the ancient places inside … And as you lay there in recovery, guess what? Not only did you slay that dragon, you survived, and now you have the biggest prize of all–you! You finally have yourself, ALL of you.

And you are no longer at anyone’s mercy, waiting for them to change. Don’t wait for someone else to do the work that will determine the course of your destiny. Like the saying goes, BE the change. Be the change you wish to see in the other. Then you will draw to you that other who can actually meet you, match you, cherish you in your every aspect, for your humanness, for your perfect imperfection in all its glory. You are beautiful, and you are deserving of the greatest love and tenderness and sweetness and light, because you are the light. You are the love. It is your birthright.

Don’t believe me? Look in the mirror through the eyes of someone who you know in your heart truly loves you for just being you, and tune in tomorrow for my next blog post. You won’t want to miss it.

“In Chinese astrology, Horse year is considered a fortunate year that brings luck and good things. Magical Horse has supernatural powers, is heroic, strong, and can even fly! A white celestial cloud Horse is sacred to the Chinese Goddess Kwan Yin. Her white Horse flies through the heavens, bringing peace and blessings…” from MysticMama.com

From Karen Carrasco of http://westernschooloffengshui.com/2014/01/2014woodhorse/

“After two years of feeling every revelation of corruption in the dark as if it was scouring our subconscious insides and wringing us dry of watery emotion, we are READY for this change!  Light, hope and clarity of vision gallop in. Emerge from your cocoons, everybody, here we goooooo!

There might not be a bigger shift of energies in the entire 60 year wheel of Chinese astrology than this one coming up–the shift from two Water years of deep introspection to the fast-paced spurt of extroverted forward propulsion that the Wood Horse brings.  Hold on to your hats, folks, and realize that you won’t be able to, nor will you want to, slow your horses in the New Year ahead!

This will be a promethean year, the Beginning of all beginnings, arriving around January 31st to February 4th, 2014.  Full of uplift, optimism and compelling inspiration, we will be guided into purposeful action of the most elegantly simple and powerfully fruitful kind.  After two years of feeling every revelation of corruption in the dark as if it was scouring our subconscious insides and wringing us dry of watery emotion, we are READY for this change!  Light, hope and clarity of vision gallop in. Emerge from your cocoons, everybody, here we goooooo!

Because this will be such a big change of energetic experience for us, it will help to review here how the cycle of the sacred Five Elements, or Phases, have set us up for this shift.  In that cycle, Wood feeds Fire, Fire’s ash creates Earth, Earth’s compression reveals gems of Metal, and Metal collects and holds Water, which nourishes the Wood to start the cycle all over again. The natural laws of these five elements are actually working in multiple ways throughout Nature, our bodies, our psychologies and the energetic movements of all things here on this planet.  In these movements, there are cycles within cycles, one of which is the cycle of birth, growth, disintegration and death, or the void that comes after old life and before new life.   We have just been traveling through that void, in two Water years, which immersed us in a descending place of degeneration, dissolution and chaos, a time when our internal world of formless spirit and emotions held total sway over every attempt at external control or order.  For most of us, it was an unsettling time of letting go of many things, either voluntarily or forcefully, a time of deep soul searching, with gradual or sudden destabilization in many areas of family and livelihood.  There was a profound search for a return to a spiritual basis for daily living.  This all had the effect of highlighting an individual’s isolation and powerlessness within a seemingly random and careless society.  Not that outright rebellion and outcry didn’t happen, globally as well as internally.  The 2012 Yang Water Dragon year saw to that, with its critical promptings of social responsibility and heroism, and this Yin Water Snake year that followed delved even deeper into the most hidden caves of stagnant dysfunctionality and corruption on all levels.

The good and great news is that we have completed 5 years of the degenerative part of the cycles–that of the harvested, decomposing Earth, compressing and eliminative Metal, and dissolving, settling out, cleansing Water.  We now emerge into the generative cycles–powerful, bursting buds of Wood’s new growth fueling the joyful outreach and passions of Fire and the beginnings of Earth’s fruitful harvests.   So, that’s the Wood part of what’s coming.

Now to turn our gaze to the animal symbol of Horse. This sprouting upward rush of Wood energy will find its perfect release into the impulsive and passionate nature of the Yang Horse, whose native element is Fire.  The Horse energy inspires powerful INTUITION and an indomitable surge towards freedom in every aspect of life.

This is a year to follow your inner voice like never before, for it will have a universal cosmic ch’i within it.  Higher guidance is with us every step of the way.  Reach for the sky, call up your vision, fuel your plans with vision boards and creativity, find a fresh path and pace yourself well.  This yang Horse year has the potential to channel the powerful new upthrust of Wood’s Ch’i through the Horse’s Heart energy of Fire and into every project we start, every desire we reach for.

It will keep our eager plans from being dominated by too much “head” and not enough “heart.”   It may be quite challenging to trust that we have this absolutely new, purified and hopeful energy to build on now.  Our hearts have had to endure a gauntlet of deconstruction through two Metal and two Water years, but the fiery Horse is about to change all of that.  Within the extroverted “Green Horse” year, we will not only branch out with new growth, but we will be able to stoke the Fire element of love in every area of life.

Follow your intuition fearlessly, as it is both the horse’s main attribute which preserves its freedom and powerful health and it is Wood’s primary talent for stretching into the unknown future.  Reach out with irrepressible faith to a new level of social communion and mutual support.  Trust every impulse to embrace a revitalized and renewed sensitivity for the pleasures this earthly dimension has to offer.

Step up and out of any old clutter, stored memories, should-have-dones or regrets.  The time to deal with that is over for now.  Untangle your thoughts quickly and get clear on what it is that you truly desire in this lifetime.  Your trusty steed is here, full of vibrant health and tremendous stamina.  It should be quite a fast ride, so grab a fistful of mane, hang on to the reins, cast your old cares to the wind and let out a whoop of delight–Yeeehaaw! Upward and onward we thrive!  May we all be blest abundantly as we hold each other closer in the circle of health and new life the Wood Horse year brings.”

Yes, that’s me sitting there and smiling proudly on the cover of my 2006 release of Hot Body Cool Mind, feeling great in my then Lulu ensemble, “Deep V” tank and Groove pants, just one of countless similar outfits that graced most of my DVD covers that sit next to your tv’s, ready to go, as we speak.

Sadly today, however, I’m not feeling particularly jolly or joyful– the way I looked on my 2006 cover. I’m feeling angry and disappointed. And like some of my brave peers, I feel compelled to speak out about the truth of what has long been hiding beneath the 4-way stretch and alleged “no-stink” technologies Lululemon espouses. Something does in fact stink at Lululemon. Something is rotten in the state of fancy yoga and Pilates apparel, and he looks like this:

No, today, I am not smiling, but I am feeling damn good about two things:

#1. That unbeknownst to Mr. Chip “No rub” Wilson, the day he had his team name me Ambassador, my well-muscled, dancerly thighs did in fact not only touch, but RUB, and they still do!

#2. I am downright proud that I have thighs that touch AND rub, and I love my beautiful, curvaceous, womanly body and celebrate it!

Today, I tendered my resignation and sent an official letter to the original “Lululemon Community Team” in Philadelphia, terminating my Ambassadorship and my affiliation with the company.

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“Dear Alyssa, Dana and Katherine,

I regret to inform you all that because of what has recently been revealed as Chip Wilson’s long history of misogyny, racism and greed, I am officially terminating my affiliation with Lululemon and as of this email notice, am no longer an Ambassador.

I think it would be important for Mr. Wilson to know from all of you, and all of us as women, that 99.9999999% of his employees’ thighs touch and in fact RUB. And if they don’t, it’s simply a matter of a different, but equally as beautiful way that the legs are shaped, resulting in alignment and gait variations. Please see Mariska Breland’s exceptionally witty and insightful Blog on the subject.
Don’t you think he deserves to be privy to such vital information?! Afterall, it’s what he has clearly founded his entire business ethos on …

People ultimately do reveal their true “Luon colors” sooner or later, and I think it is beyond disappointing after the tremendous investment of time, effort and money on all our parts that this hypocrisy has been lurking behind the “Ta ta tamers” and the “Free to be” tank all this time, and that it took one interview to expose Mr. Wilson for who he really is.

By the way, “Ta ta tamers?” Denigrating, exploitive name, don’t you agree?! As soon as I started seeing monikers such as that appearing a few years ago now, I had to scratch my head and wonder if this kind of degradation was coming from the top … and still, I gave the company another chance because of all of the apparent good and positivity the company seemed to generate in the community, and chalked it up to a momentary lapse of reason, human error, weakness–a slip of poor taste and bad judgement.

I am challenged to come up with the words to aptly describe my feelings of betrayal and exploitation when I consider the size and scope of my endorsement for the company over the course of the past seven years.

I generously gave my name and reputation to Lululemon, offered my image countless times for large-scale promotions and chose Lululemon as the line to grace not only each one of my DVD covers, but the bodies of every one of my dancers and co-workers who appeared in my programs.

Shame on you, Mr. Wilson. And shame on anyone who tolerates this kind of behavior and this glaring lack of integrity. And speaking of “integrity,” now we know for certain that the Lulu “manifesto” (”Friends are more important than money,”  ”What you do to the earth, you do to yourself”) that was printed on every single wall to seduce community instructors and employees and on every bag that left the store was purely a mercenary tact to appeal to the higher aspects of humanity, and really, in the end,  just a bunch of letters with no meaning behind them. I’m so curious … did you write this one, Chip: “Your outlook on life is a direct reflection of how much you like yourself.”  Tell me, what’s your outlook on life today?

Turns out at Lululemon, the all-important commitment to your INTEGRITY mantra was about as fluffy as the words in your manifesto. What is integrity, afterall? It is word and deed aligned. Sorry, Chip Wilson, now we know, it’s something you never had. At Lululemon, there is no integrity, and no one is “Free to be,” (as in the tank) that is, unless your thighs don’t touch and can pronounce the company name minus a Japanese dialect.

I feel for each one of you, and wonder what your course of action will be henceforth.
Whatever you decide to do, I hope that you consider your own dignity and integrity first, and that you act in a way that makes you proud for yourself and your kindred women around the world, for please keep in mind: Grown-ups were not the only ones who heard what you said about womens’ bodies not “being right for the clothes,” Mr. Wilson. Girls and young women heard that too, and don’t you think battling the onslaught of photoshopped, deceptively flawless, overly-thin bodies in the media is enough for these tender, emerging young hearts to contend with, not to mention your words now, about clothing they once saw their mothers and older sisters wearing and aspired to wear themselves? Not allowed to wear them if their thighs touch?! Really? How dare you.

I would very much appreciate a reply to this email confirming that you have received this statement of termination, and further, I would ask that you send me the name and email address of the person who works directly with Mr. Wilson at corporate headquarters and serves as the COO, perhaps. It is my sincere wish in parting that Mr. Wilson read this letter, as well as the others that have been written in reaction to his “admissions,” a sort of appetizer-style penance, if you will.

Stay strong and do the right thing, ladies.

Finally, in case you have not yet read former ambassador, Natalia Petrzela’s Blog in the Huffington Post, I strongly suggest you do. If you are wavering in your own decision to stay true to yourself, this blog may give you the fuel to drive your car to the other side— to safety, where you can wipe the tears of anger and regret from your eyes and hold your head up high, high enough to see that a bright future awaits you, one where there is a world free of Lululemon and companies like it, but even more importantly, free from guys like Mr. Chip Wilson.

No, there’s something so much better out there, and who knows?! Maybe you will create it … a company that means what it says, that endorses self-love and healthy body-image in the people who buy their clothes, a company that treats the planet and its resources venerably, one that includes and respects all humans, one with a great design team and even greater integrity. And when I say integrity, I mean the real kind, the kind that means that as soon as I finish this letter, I am taking a car-load of Lululemon clothes, every stitch I have ever owned to the recycling center near my home, where there will be no more rubbing, pilling, or over-stretching, just the closing scene of me walking away, smiling because I can feel my powerful, sexy thighs rubbing together as I take each step further and further away from disappointment to declaration: ” I am a Lululemon Ambassador No More!”

My very best to you,

Jennifer Kries

On Friday, October 11th, we honored our teacher, Romana Kryzanowska at the 13th Annual PMA Meeting in Fort Lauderdale, Florida. Myself, Rachel Segal Taylor, Amy Alpers, Alisa Wyatt, Alycea Ungaro, and Brett Howard each shared some of our fondest memories of a woman who not only changed all of our lives in the most profound ways, but someone who helped to realize Joseph Pilates’ original vision by moving the world with her power, prowess, wit, charm and tireless dedication.

Archival films provided by Brett Howard played silently behind us, a poignant and powerful, heart-stirring feast for the eyes, as we paid homage to our magnificent mentor performing her workouts with Mr. Pilates and alone. From her famous “Star” to the original thigh stretch, melting her spine backwards, deep into the well, rising like the sun, levitating on the chair, floating on the cadillac, Romana, in her typical fashion, flowed like liquid through the movements, making the audience quietly gasp and making us all glow with pride and reverence that will live with us in our souls forever.

I know that everyone of the 1,000-plus people in the room that day were deeply moved as we shared our love, our respect and our admiration for Romana, for when the tribute concluded and until this morning, waves of people approached, thanking us for sharing what for many, was the closest encounter with Romana they would ever know. As we toasted her at the end of the service,  it was clear that she was with us in spirit, her bright eyes twinkling, delighted to know that she could inspire new people, move them to learn the original work, and attend another wonderful party thrown in her honor with some of her greatest devotees and friends.

Following is the tribute I wrote for the occasion to bring my own memories alive, providing a special portal, a window in for those who had never had the good fortune to work with her and experience her magic firsthand.

The Keeper of the Flame

Powerhouse.  Force of nature.  Magician.  Mischievous Flirt.  Star.  Healer.  The Keeper of the Flame.

Romana was all of these things, and more.
Romana was bigger than any space she occupied.
Her being could not be contained by any four walls –she radiated beyond them.

If I could say just one thing about her it would be this: that just by virtue of her energy, her presence, who she was, she made you want to be more, she made you believe that you could be more, that you could literally accomplish anything you set your mind to, and do it with real fire, laughter, passion and joy. And believe me, it wasn’t always pretty, but it was honest, and it had velocity, dynamism, punch and power. And eventually, if you kept at it long enough, if you worked hard enough, it became second nature, it became a part of you, it became a thing of beauty.

When you talk about what it means to feel ALIVE with a capital “A,” Romana was that person, and she inspired the same in everyone she came in contact with– whether it was the waiter, the taxi driver, or her next client, who was now graduating from his wheelchair to a walker because of her tireless, uplifting, nurturing instruction. Her twinkling smiles and spontaneous virtuosic performances even into her 80‘s would leave a room of 30+ apprentices, teachers and clients breathless and applauding ferociously.

For Romana, everyone was equally deserving of her time and attention and for anyone who needed to heal from injury, whether it was from a torn rotator cuff, a car accident, or a broken heart, Romana knew the course of action to lead whomever she was guiding onto the path of wellness and wholeness once again.

Almost universally, I think it’s safe to say, that you found your way to Romana because you had a specific issue that needed to be addressed– you needed to “fix” something in your body because you needed to get back in the game, but what you wound up getting was so much more than you ever could bargained for.

I remember the first time I walked into the studio on 57th Street– it was like entering a sacred space, a church, a magical beehive where one true queen presided and immediately commanded your reverence. You were seduced into a world where anything was possible, where you were introduced to your body and yourself for the very first time. And to see people from all walks of life, artists, actors, doctors, musicians, athletes, dancers, who would come in with every conceivable injury and ailment, go from fragility to vibrant strength, was daily a privileged, life-changing, life-affirming experience.

Contrary to what you might imagine, I am not a morning person. Romana was literally the only one who ever succeeded in getting me out of bed voluntarily before 9am, and she performed this miraculous feat from afar, countless mornings of my young life.

Even in the dead of winter in New York City, in complete darkness, with a wind chill of -5, the streets and subway stairs slicked with treacherous ice, I would wake up at the ungodly hour of 5:30 in the morning, and not walk, but skate, 10 blocks to the L train to cross town, then to the 6 uptown on the East side to make it in time for Romana’s 7am mat class, where the race continued, as I hit the elevator at 50 West 57th, desperately pulling off my hat, gloves, scarves, coat, sweaters, long silk underwear and socks, as I flew past Drago’s desk where he signed me in, to the dressing-room, which was jam-packed with other apprentices who had performed the same act of heroism, trekking in from different parts of the city.

And like Superman in the phone booth, mere seconds later, we would magically appear ready to go in our workout gear, standing at attention, in our Pilates stance prepared to give our best for Romana, who was already smiling standing stoutly with her hands behind her back, perfect, regal posture, waiting and flirting with the handsome male apprentices, all of us ready to descend to the mat and give our all to this powerhouse, who inspired such passion that we would keep her company, working, assisting and learning how to treat every conceivable issue from scoliosis to meniscus tears, to broken ankles to post-natal conditioning, to parkinson’s- right there, in the studio for the next 7 hours, every single day, and every single day we became more of ourselves than we were the day before.

I would like to leave you with an excerpt from a poem by one of my all-time favorites, Mary Oliver:

When Death Comes

When it’s over, I want to say: all my life
I was a bride married to amazement.
I was the bridegroom, taking the world into my arms.

When it’s over, I don’t want to wonder
if I have made of my life something particular, and real.
I don’t want to find myself sighing and frightened,
or full of argument.

I don’t want to end up simply having visited this world.

Romana, you certainly didn’t just “visit” this world. You changed it for the better in immensely powerful ways that will continue long after all of us in this room are gone. Even from the beyond, Romana, you are healing, transforming and inspiring, through each one of us who was privileged to be touched by you and your passion, your dedication and joie de vivre that burned like a fire inside you, lighting the way for all of us, we who now carry the torch that illuminates the path ahead. You taught us how to see, how to touch, how to choose our words, with economy and precision, but above all, you taught us how to love our bodies, ourselves, our lives.

Your spirit will live on in every “dance” we do on the apparatus, and through every heart we touch and every body we change through the original brilliance of Joe himself, a legacy you carried with such grace, power and passion. The only way to repay your immeasurable gift is to pass it on with as much bright enthusiasm and generosity as you brought every day, in every session, every smile, every moment, to pass it on to future generations, with an evolved consciousness, with open hearts and open arms, so that everyone may taste this same magic that you created every day of your life.

An eternal thank you, Romana, and as you used to say, “love all around” …

For me, the Fall has always been a time of sacred renewal, a time to take stock of the seeds we have sown and to harvest with gratitude what has grown … It is also a window of opportunity, a moment when we can embrace ourselves anew, loving ourselves for all that we are, forgiving ourselves for our mistakes, with the conscious promise to evolve going forward. But perhaps the most beautiful part of this time, when things prepare to go inside, when the leaves fall from the trees, we can emulate nature- we can be the leaves, and surrender to the inevitable cycle of life. We can stop fighting and struggling against it– go with it, the way the wind blows, and like the leaves falling to the ground, we can fall into the NOW. So when you float through the air, what color will you be? Brilliant scarlet? Bright yellow, soft russet, velvet brown? How will you fall into the now? Whatever color you decide to be, will you let yourself be all you can be in this one wild and precious life?

Love After Love

The time will come
when, with elation
you will greet yourself arriving
at your own door, in your own mirror
and each will smile at the other’s welcome,

and say, sit here. Eat.
You will love again the stranger who was your self.
Give wine. Give bread. Give back your heart
to itself, to the stranger who has loved you

all your life, whom you ignored
for another, who knows you by heart.
Take down the love letters from the bookshelf,

the photographs, the desperate notes,
peel your own image from the mirror.
Sit. Feast on your life.
~Derek Walcott

Labor Day not only marked the end of summer, but the end of an era and was transformed into poignant tribute to the passing of two great flames in the Pilates community, my formative mentor, 1st Generation luminary, Romana Kryzanowska and the extraordinarily bright and uniquely talented, Julian Littleford.

There is an unintended, yet priceless gift that those who move on leave to us — an immediate and intimate dance with a new “presence,” the sight, the smell, the taste of what is most precious and ephemeral … here are my heartfelt letters, my tribute to two great flames who graced us with their beings, touching thousands, and changing lives, leaving the world a brighter and richer place,  for their having lived.

Romana Kryzanowska, June 30, 1923-August 30, 2013
Beloved mentor and peerless legend whose bright, indomitable spirit lives on in each of us and our teaching~thank you, Romana!

I took an entire week away from Facebook, and all social media, and I have to say it has been the best time away, maybe ever … the only thing that could have pulled me back in was this news about Romana, and in tribute to her, I have to announce to the world that I can’t stop crying this morning from the incredible memories, that special time in my young life when I first received the immeasurable gifts she gave and the vast meaning and impact that continues to unfold through her spirit, her teacher, Pilates himself, and through us, those who are dedicated to passing the torch of their remarkable legacy …

Dearest Romana~ We owe you so much, beautiful, dedicated, amazing Powerhouse! From the bottom of my heart, I thank you for changing my life and the lives of countless others~your spirit will live on in every “dance” we do on the apparatus, and through every heart we touch and every body we change through the original brilliance of Joe himself, a legacy you carried with such grace, power and passion. You were truly the first to introduce me to the idea that I was capable of more than I ever could have imagined … you have influenced the way I look at life so profoundly, and for this and so much more, I will be forever grateful. The only way to repay your immeasurable gift is to pass it on with as much passion and generosity as you brought every day, in every session, every smile, every moment. With deepest gratitude, admiration and love always~

Julian Littleford, August 14, 1960-August 31, 2013

Graceful, and giving, unique maverick spirit whose love of life inspires from beyond~thank you for your joyous dedication!

Julian Littleford was the first colleague to welcome me to San Diego a little over a year ago, and I’ll never forget his warmth, generosity and kindness, nor his great wit and devilish grin when he knew that he was making you feel muscles you maybe hadn’t EVER felt in exactly that way— I’d like to say in the “Julian Way.” And furthermore, I’d like to officially, affectionately dub him “King of the Spring!” Because no one, and I mean no one knew how to make you work a spring the way he did.

Dear Julian, you were taken far too soon, such a bright and beautiful spirit! May you shine in heaven just as brightly, and enjoy the immense freedom that awaits you no more, but receives you in boundless love. Rest peacefully, good soul. I thank you with a full heart, regrettably, not as many memories as I would have liked, and eyes brimming with tears …

May we all embrace our lives with greater appreciation and zest to honor the passing of two great flames this weekend! Romana Kryzanowska and Julian Littleford.

The soul, like the moon
is new and always new again
and I have seen the ocean
continuously creating.
Since I washed my mind
and my body, I too,
am new, each moment new.
My teacher told me one thing:
Live in the soul.
When that was so,
I began to go naked and dance. ~Lalla

Letting go. Not so easy. I don’t think any one of us ever bargains for just how hard it will be.

At some point in our lives, each one of us guards an unresolved “secret,” an issue that we delude ourselves into believing is entirely unique to us, and rather than seek counsel, share or speak aloud even in the privacy of our own consciousness, we bury it, and as a result, it perpetuates, it morphs like a chia pet on miracle grow, it mutates … The “secret,” which more often than not, is really just a construct of the doubting mind, an outward projection of what we ourselves need to “see,” acknowledge and integrate, literally becomes the monster that ate Tokyo. Now as cool as Godzilla is to watch on the big screen, tell me the truth … you really want that dude knocking around in your head?

We wonder to ourselves, how could THIS ever change? In spite of the many wonderful things that outwardly appear to be happening our lives, and in fact, often ARE happening, this thing … it keeps gnawing away at our good spirits, sapping our reserves and sucking us into the unproductive vortex of endless obsessing.

Until you suddenly discover that you do have the power to completely alter your reality– for the better.

For me, just when I thought things couldn’t get much worse, they did. And one day, after having fallen to the ground in a crumpled heap of angst after spending the better part of a half hour there, crying and railing against the universe, I had one of the most powerful awakenings of my life. Something rose up inside me– something I would now call an enlightened energy, and suddenly I rose up, and took a really deep breath. The voice inside said very clearly: “You have come too far, and I care way too much about you to allow this kind of suffering to plague you, to dominate your mind, your time, devour your good energy any more …” I knew that I did not want to suffer this way any more, ever again. “I won’t allow it anymore.” I sad to myself. I was done. I had outgrown the old, because I could no longer tolerate it. It was painfully boring and predictable. And it offered nothing but the same disappointing results.

The countless hours I had spent reading, studying, practicing the texts from ancient wisdom schools suddenly crystalized through my sweaty tears, glistening in the new light of my revelation:

The Four Noble Truths

1. Life means suffering.

2. The origins of suffering is attachment.

3. The cessation of suffering is attainable.

4. There is a path to the cessation of suffering.

And the path reveals itself when you say these four noble words: “I AM LETTING GO.”

The next moment, it flew into my consciousness with Superman’s velocity when he forms his famous fist, aimed at the sky as he blasts off into the high ethers. I stood up, I looked around, and with deepest conviction, said out loud, “I am letting go of it all.”

And then, just like that—at lightning speed, my soul made its next move– I knew I needed a witness to make sure it was real. I knew that if I said it out loud to someone else, who I believed was part of my suffering, and I experienced no hesitation or regret as the words came out of my mouth, that it meant that this monumental shift was actually happening in real time.

As I got on my feet, wiping the tears from my eyes wide with exhilaration, my mind went to the words from one of my favorite 11th century sages …

The greatest achievement is selflessness.
The greatest worth is self-mastery.
The greatest quality is seeking to serve others.
The greatest precept is continual awareness.
The greatest medicine is the emptiness of everything.
The greatest action is not conforming with the worlds ways.
The greatest wisdom is seeing through appearances.
The greatest magic is transmuting the passions.
The greatest generosity is non-attachment.
The greatest goodness is a peaceful mind.
The greatest patience is humility.
The greatest effort is not concerned with results.
The greatest meditation is a mind that lets go.

The moment I spoke the words to my friend, his heart clearly melted just as mine had moments before when the idea was born. It was visceral. A shared experience. I had chosen self love, and was then able to give that to someone else. In my letting go, my witness was able to do the same, and suffering, as we had known it, ended.

Did it end forever? Forever is a long time. But for now, since that moment, which was 4 months ago, peace reigns, and every day, I let go a little more, and a little more … and I am new, each time, I am new.

When you let go, you give others permission to do the same. Your energy ripples out concentrically, like a stone being dropped into a still pond … everything in that water feels the reverberations, the changes, takes notice and changes with it.

Do you realize, that each moment presents us with this remarkably special, fleeting opportunity to change what we knew the moment before? And each moment, if we greet it as though it were the singular, fleeting portal to a new world, offers us in exchange for our keen and heart-fed attention, the gift of becoming NEW. We are able to create a new reality to explore. Will the trappings of our lives look the same? Maybe. Will the players, our witnesses appear to be the same? Perhaps. But looks can be deceiving, and I promise you, that if you succeed in even the smallest “letting go,” you too will be suddenly made new, by your own choosing, and so will everyone and everything around you.

It seems a perfect night with the full moon and the first mercury retrograde of 2013 to finally pay tribute to what has already been a truly brilliant start to this new year. Why perfect on the second day of mercury retrograde? Because when mercury goes in reverse, so can we. We have another opportunity to return to what has come before, to revisit and review, and on this full moon eve, the seeds we have planted on the new moon allegedly wax full, like the moon itself, coming closer to fruition tonight. It’s also a perfect night to let fly your deepest desires and truths. Tonight is that night for me. Time has accelerated and is going faster than I ever thought possible. And I’m not sure I like it so much. Every day, I am more and more aware of my mortality. It seems that just as we become mature enough to start to enjoy life, we become acutely conscious of how very ephemeral it is. Hopefully, we learn to appreciate each moment and make the most of all we experience to honor this brief stay on earth before we depart, to live in gratitude as often as we can.

And in that spirit, I was very grateful to be asked to grace the cover of American Fitness in January and share the feature “Jennifer Helps You to Tap Into Your Waking Energy.” Immediately after, the LA Times featured my Yin Yoga clip from Waking Energy, and then to top it all off, my Waking Energy practice clip premiered on Pilates Anytime.

All told, so far, it’s been an amazing year, and it’s only just begun. Each day a new opportunity to awaken new vistas both inside and out in the world. In closing, the title of my blog tonight is “It’s About Time,” and I’m sure by now, you’ve figured out that it’s a double-entendre. It’s about time that we all wake up, and it’s about time that the year of the Divine Feminine has finally arrived– lucky “13″ when everyone on the planet is given the chance to embrace yourself, to know yourself, to move into a higher consciousness, to appreciate the life we have and make the most of it, in service to ourselves and others.

“It is the Moon who does the incarnating, just as the mother gives birth to the child.  This Virgo Full Moon helps us become aware of what our soul is here on Earth to incarnate. We’ve been at this for a while now.  Do you recognize what it is you’re called to do?  The first step is to become conscious, to Know Yourself!  Just that is a big step…” Cathy Pagano

What better way to say YES to this opening than with Waking Energy … what better way to return to yourself, to truly get to know yourself perhaps for the very first time than by waking up the energy and beauty that lives inside you?

I think it’s about time you do …

Happy Full Moon and Happy, Lucky 2013!

Jennifer

This Winter Solstice, 2012 is unlike any other before or after it in our lifetime.

12.12.12 marks the opening of the portal through which destiny beckons us to spring forth. We are being asked to cross the bridge from darkness— from old-outmoded, inhibiting, unconscious behaviors, from FEAR to light- to the creation of a new path, a new reality, a new world where LOVE reigns supreme and each one of us embraces the universal truth that we are ONE.

From 12.12.12 until 12.21.12, you are being offered perhaps the greatest gift you will ever know- the chance to manifest miracles. The stars are aligned and at the ready, waiting for you to say “YES!” Now is the time to ask yourself the question: Do you want to reach higher heights in your life, live more fully, find the courage to open your heart and vibrate at a higher level of consciousness? This portal of 12.12.12 is a gift that is based on individual participation. It is an experience that each individual must now ask and intend for. And each and every one of us must now make the effort to learn how to live in the new paradigm. If we want to go where only Love can exist, we must learn how to become Love.
The universe is conspiring to support you on this magic carpet ride into a bright and blessed future, where you will come to know your power, your light, your divinity. Will you spread your wings and take the ride? Will you embody your soul’s purpose and become a manifestor of the miracles you deeply and instinctively know await you? Will you let yourself believe that your intention and action are one and the same and that anything you truly wish for is possible?

Here in San Diego, my childhood love of owls was rekindled by a sacred visit from a native barn owl this Fall. I was deep inside a meditation and I felt a strong pull to my left. I opened my eyes to see this magnificent and awe-inspiring beauty on the top of the morning glory wall behind my house fully illuminated by the full moon, looking directly at me it seemed. I sat there for what felt like an eternity, locked in his Strigine (that means all-things OWL) embrace.

Since his sighting, I have been utterly and completely enthralled once again by my totem animal, and can’t get enough of their grace, wisdom and power. They embody so many of the qualities I prize so highly: kindness, generosity, compassion, authenticity, loyalty, creativity, independence, beauty, spontaneity, and passion. Each time I see an image of one, or am lucky enough to experience a real-life “visit,” my heart sings. This Winter Solstice is our opportunity to BE the owl, to embrace our highest selves. Join me in spirit on this magic flight and soar into the heavens while keeping your feet firmly rooted to the earth to become the very vessel for change and new growth in your life and in the lives of each person you meet.