The magic month of May, is a magic I never really knew until this May, when I came to truly understand what union meant in an entirely new way –because this May, I lived it, and I continue to live it now, as my fingers tap out the words to express the boundless love that flows from my heart onto the page.
May is the month when Venus, the ruler of Taurus comes to earth to grace us with love, desire, fertility and creativity of all kinds … The Goddess of love annoints the earth with blossoming flowers and trees and delights the senses with summer fruits and the bounty of nature’s garden. She is celebrated with rituals of fertility and harvest, with fire, which symbolizes the fire that burns within each one of us … in our hearts and in our souls, the fires that keep us alive and urge us forth to bring what we carry inside into the light of day.
May is the magic month of The Beltane, the festival of fires that burn with the light of transcendent love that can blossom here on earth …
The fires that honor all that is sacred and other-worldly.
May is the month of manifestation.
In late April, I had a tarot reading. I was feeling frustrated and lost. I was impatient, more restless than I could ever remember. I had worked assiduously, tirelessly on my psyche and plumbed the depths of my soul, lo the past several years, reaching new hard-won heights of awareness and consciousness and freedom, and I wanted to know where I should be heading with all of this next … and I was done walking this path alone. I wanted answers, and I wanted them now.
Instead of answers, I received predictions and advice, which, while heartening to some degree, of course left so much ambiguity and what I got was not at all what I felt I was looking for … I wanted immediate gratification– the opposite of what I knew to be the way– the Taoist path I had been walking. The wonderful woman who read my cards told me that I needed to get back to “ritual”– that I needed to reconnect with the desire to create the time and space to sit and meditate, to speak to the universe and say out loud what I wished to manifest in my life, rather than doing what I had started to do— the very opposite of what I knew would be best for me: plow ahead with great frustration, somewhere in the background hoping that as Rilke said, I would “live my way into the answers… ” Of course I knew that I needed to give to myself and return to my rituals … but I had become disheartened; I had been moving through a seemingly endless period of time that felt like dense, dark, hopeless sludge– gray and monotonous, without peaks and valleys, unfamiliar, uninspiring territory, and I wanted OUT. In so many ways I felt rich and ripe, the richest I had ever been, replete with every resource, and strangely energized in spite of my frustration … but I had started to allow my frustration to build to such a place that I found myself renouncing everything I knew and believed in about my own spirituality and connection to the powers of the universe. The big energy I felt pulsing through my veins was turning inward and had no outlet that would match the rising currents within me. Instead of feeling empowered and filled with faith in my own ability, I felt disappointed, depressed, deflated, disillusioned. The past few years had yielded crucial life lessons, moments in time that brought me to that very reading, that place, that time, where I needed to be reminded of what of course I already knew so well–I needed to hear the words: “Practice what you preach,” and “create time for your own spirituality to breathe, so that your creativity catches fire once again and your life moves in the direction you want it to.”
Hard to believe that I, someone who helps others to cultivate patience and acceptance could not exactly say that patience has been my strong suit over the course of my life so far.
At the end of what was truly a great reading– one filled with hearty laughter, many deep breaths, some stellar advice and new friendship, my reader offered me a gift from her “Goddess Deck.” And said “pick a card, my gift to you.”
And so I did … but instead of picking one card, I picked two– two that slid out of the spread together. And what were they?